10 unpopular truths about self- development

10 unpopular truths about self-development, and what to do instead

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1, Self-care isn’t just about “me time”, bubble baths, skin care, yoga or meditation 

Sometimes self-care is about making decisions about our life's direction, setting boundaries, letting go of people or places that no longer serve us and making friends with facts. 

2, Stop glorifying “busy” 

Feeling the need to be constantly busy and productive to feel that we are worthy can be a trauma adaptation, and it can lead to serious consequences like: feeling numb at the end of the day in a dorsal vagal shutdown, feeling disconnected and burnt out. 

3, Things don’t always have to be fine and dandy… meaning that toxic positivity isn’t a good thing because it can sabotage us to face what we need to, to deal with deep issues and essentially it hinders our growth. 

4, Self-love isn’t just “rainbows and unicorns” 

Loving ourselves is a process and as such can be a complicated one, deeply, fully and completely accepting, forgiving, embracing and loving ourselves is a lifelong journey. And we should practise the “Art of small steps”. 

5, Stop obsessing about goals and goal setting  

When we set a goal it doesn't mean we are actually doing the right thing by ourselves… What I mean by that is this: we can set a goal and never reach it, because our focus isn’t on developing processes and habits that make us more “successful”, so to speak. And remember as we change via developing life affirming habits, and we make better choices for ourselves the goalpost might move. So set goals for yourself by all means, but remember that our success greatly depends on our attitudes, our habits and our everyday choices. 

6, Mindfulness is not “magic”

Mindfulness can be your greatest weapon against self-sabotage and your greatest tool to help yourself stay grounded, and live a more embodied and empowered life while being present, but it is not a one fits all silver bullet practice. So remember that it might take some time to find your most suitable modalities and remember that mindfulness is all about the “Art of small steps”, the consistent everyday practices that you make your own. 

7, Beware of self-help crazes and gurus 

“Self-help” can be all empowering but it can also be hindering or down right harmful. Make sure that you understand who the person you are taking advice from, and make sure that you research the concepts you wish to adopt so you can protect yourself. There are so many “false prophets” out there selling products and ideas… just make sure that it is coming from a genuinely authentic place, backed up by experience and wisdom. 

8, It’s not a competition but it is a good comparison. 

What I mean by that is this: comparing ourselves to others can be a very self damaging practice when done wrong. But comparing ourselves to others who have been where we are at and achieved what we wish to achieve can be empowering… If we break down what their habits, practices and mindsets were in the process and we compare ours to that, well… it might just help us improve our habits and make better choices so we can get where we wish to be in a more efficient and sustainable way. 

9, Stopping to take a breather isn’t hindrance, it is empowerment!

When you are tired, learn to rest… Meaning that constantly pushing ourselves without rest, without celebrating our small steps and achievements along the way isn’t healthy. You don’t have to wait until you reach your desired state to be able to appreciate all that you can do, every step of the way. Learn to celebrate your small achievements in a meaningful way, it will be empowering. 

10, Self-awareness or self-criticism… Know the difference. 

Self-awareness is important and it is empowering however it is only that when it comes from a genuine place. Over analysing everything we think, feel, say or do can lead to inaction, self doubt, and procrastination. So be aware, and then use that awareness to grow and evolve. Don’t hurt yourself, don’t criticise yourself, and most certainly don’t beat yourself up. Reflect and if need be make better choices next time.